In Between Thoughts
Some musings on writing, writer's block, and whether inspiration is real
I keep a small silver pen in my pocket at all times. I used to carry a Bic click pen, but then I stopped. I don’t really know why. I guess that having a phone in my pocket, with a Notes app, made the pen feel redundant. There was something, too, about pairing down. Less is more. Traveling light. I imagined a future wherein I could leave the house with just my phone.
But now I have my silver pen and a Moleskin notebook too, in my back pocket. Now I imagine a future wherein, at any given moment, I’ll pull out my notebook and my silver pen and get to work. It hasn’t happened yet, but sometimes, when I’m at a restaurant with my family and the kids need something to do, they use the notebook and the pen to draw. So, the pen gets used and the notebooks is full of my kids’ drawings and musings. One page is a count of imaginary eggs, from 1 to 32, that Wes did one day while waiting for breakfast at the Ugly Mug Diner.
This is all a way of saying, sometimes I feel blocked. I never used to believe in writer’s block. I thought you could just write through it. I guess I still believe that. I guess I’m still trying. I have theories about my blockage, though. One theory is that I’ve fallen victim to a trap that I warn my students about, the belief that everything I write should come out flawless and publishable and perfect. I know I want to write, but I’m waiting for an idea to arrive, fully formed, in my mind so that I can just sit down, type it out, and submit it somewhere. But I should know better. That’s not how it works.
When I was in college, when I first got up the confidence to tell people that I wanted to be a writer, Ron, my friend Andy’s dad, asked me if I write every day. I didn’t. I don’t. He said I should. In retrospect, I don’t really know what Ron knew about being a writer, but he was right and I’ve cited his advice to students more times than I can count. And yet, I’ve hardly ever followed it myself. Still, even now that I really am a writer (I am, right?) I pay only lip service to Ron’s advice.
I don’t write every day, but I tell others to. Instead, I keep a silver pen in my pocket and a Moleskin notebook on my person at all times for…what? Not inspiration—I don’t think I believe in it. That’s another thing I tell students all the time—don’t wait for inspiration! Just write! But here I am, pen in pocket, notebook at the ready, waiting for inspiration. That fully formed idea to just come to me. It’s not here yet. But there a few ideas, things percolating. Maybe, someday, soon.